


Acceptance

by silvertrails



Series: Tirion Arc [41]
Category: The Silmarillion and other histories of Middle-Earth - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-16
Updated: 2019-01-16
Packaged: 2019-10-11 04:15:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,526
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17439761
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silvertrails/pseuds/silvertrails
Summary: Findis comes to see Fëanor before he leaves Tirion





	Acceptance

**Acceptance  
** By CC  
October, 2006 

This is an amateur effort and does not intend to infringe on the rights of J.R.R. Tolkien. No profit is made and no harm is intended. 

The story is set in Tirion, YT 1495, after the darkening of Valinor. Fëanor has convinced the Noldor to leave Aman. It is Home 12 canon that Findis stayed with her mother while Irimë Lalwendë (Lalwen) followed Fingolfin. 

50 passages prompt 24: In fact, it is partly about that that I have come to say a last word. 

Thank you to Alex for beta reading this fic. =)

* * *

The world had been turned upside down, and the darkness that had befallen on Aman after the death of the Trees seemed to permeate it all. Findis shivered as she stood at the entrance of the castle, surrounded by servants bearing torches. They might leave her soon, for all she knew. They might follow the host of the Noldor out of the Blessed Realm.  
Fëanaro had made a terrifying speech, urging the Noldor to follow him to Middle-earth and claim it back. He had spoken of jealousy and betrayal coming from the Valar, and of the need to take revenge on their King’s death. Findis shook her head, unwilling to dwell on her father’s death. She had mourned Finwë, and would probably cry over it all once this nightmare was over, but right now she needed to stay strong for her mother’s sake. 

Where was Lalwen? She had left with Nolofinwë, promising to come back as soon as she had talked to Anairë. Findis only hoped that her sister would not be convinced to leave her home like so many others had. Even Nolofinwë was leaving, and sweet Arafinwë. Findis felt a surge of anger at this, but she quickly forced the feeling to the back of her mind. Not now, not yet. Only once Lalwen was back. 

This should never have happened in the Blessed Realm. The Valar had promised to keep them safe, and to keep evil from staining the land. And yet they had not seen through Melkor’s lies, and it had been a Vala who had killed Finwë... Findis shook her head. She could not blame the Valar alone for this, for her people had listened to Melkor’s lies and even her brothers had forged those deadly weapons. 

Her brothers, her people... Findis had been with her mother and sister when Finwë had been killed. They had attended the festival in the hopes of finding a way to reunite the family after Finwë had left their home, following Fëanaro to exile. Always Fëanaro, always him and his demands and barely contained dislike for Indis. It was as if Míriel's shadow had never left their home, and had finally managed to take Finwë from them.  
If only Fëanaro had accepted his mother’s fate, but he had not only raged against it, but looked for someone to blame. Findis would never forget the day Fëanaro had told her that Indis was not his mother. He had said nothing else, but the accusation in his eyes had made her shiver. It was a wonder that Nolofinwë had managed to stay close to Fëanaro for so long. To think that Fëanaro had drawn his sword and threatened him! 

They had all fallen for Melkor’s schemes. They had all listened to the evil Vala, the thirst for knowledge making them easy prey. The Vanyar had not paid attention to Melkor, and the Teleri had seemed to be immune to his words. Was the need for knowledge such a curse? Was Fëanaro right when he said that all the Vanyar did was sing and praise Manwë? 

Findis was aware that she was different from her brothers, even from Lalwen. She valued knowledge, but over all she valued peace. Not the peace of an abandoned city, but the sweet merriment of children, and the voices singing at work. She wondered what Tirion had been like when the Vanyar still lived in the city. Would the Vanyar have warned the Noldor not to listen to Melkor? 

She shrugged. What did it matter now, if her father was dead and her brothers were leaving? What does it matter? Findis thought, when she saw Lalwen coming and the determined expression she wore. Findis had seen that expression on Nolofinwë’s and Arafinwë’s faces when they had both come to say good-bye to their mother. Lalwen was leaving them too... 

“Findis...” Lalwen’s face fell a little, and for a moment Findis had hope. It was brief, though, because as Lalwen climbed up the stairs and came closer, the determined expression was back. 

“You are leaving us,” Findis said, unable to keep the hurt from showing in her voice. She wanted her siblings to stay. She wanted Nolofinwë to take care of them now that their father was dead. She wanted to keep Lalwen safe. 

“I have to,” Lalwen said almost apologetically. “Nolo is leaving...” 

“Nolo is following Fëanaro, like he always does,” Findis said bitterly. “He is taking our people back to Middle-earth, where the light of the Trees was never known. Why do you have to follow him?” 

“The light of the Trees is gone, sister,” Lalwen said, “and I would rather have never seen it if I was going to lose it. Can’t you see, Findis? Our people will follow Fëanaro, even if Nolo doesn’t go with them.” 

“I know. I just wish they had listened to Arafinwë.” 

Lalwen sighed. “They did, in a way. Fëanaro and Nolo would have done the unthinkable had Arafinwë not calmed them. Our nephews... that terrible oath they all swore... I believed they would fight in the main square.” 

“Fëanaro has poisoned those boys’ minds,” Findis said quietly, “and he is leading them to their ruin. I wonder if Nerdanel will go with them, if she will let him take the twins with him.” 

“I don’t think Nerdanel will leave Tirion,” Lalwen said. “I don’t think Fëanaro will allow the twins to stay, even if they wanted it. I know Anairë and Earwën are staying in the city, but their children will leave with our brothers.” 

Findis was aghast. “Even our nieces?” 

“You saw Artanis at the square,” Lalwen said. “And Irissë will follow Turukano wherever he goes, the same as I will follow Nolo. I can’t blame her. Elenwë and Itaril are going too. So are Eldalotë and Artaher. And Celebrimbor...” 

They were all leaving! Her half-brother, her beloved brothers, her nephews and nieces... Even Finwë’s grandchildren... Was there no end to this madness? Findis wanted to embrace her sister and hold her tightly so she did not leave. Her heart was breaking. 

“I will miss you, Findis,” Lalwen said quietly. “I wish there were another way. If you and Mama came with us...” 

“Mama will never leave the Blessed Realm, and I wouldn’t leave either. There has to be a way out of this darkness other than going back to the land where Melkor now rules.” 

Lalwen’s expression hardened. “That will not last long. We will take him down and take revenge on Papa’s death.” 

Findis wanted to remind her sister that Melkor was a Vala, and that he had corrupted Maiar in his service, that the Elves were not powerful enough to take him down. She wanted to shake some sense in Lalwen, but knew it was not possible anymore. Her sister would leave, and would probably die and go to Mandos’ Halls the same their father had. 

“Be careful, please,” Findis said, embracing her sister. “Take care of them, all of them. The children... Itaril is so young, and even the boys...” 

“We will be safe,” Lalwen said. “You will take care of mother, will you not? She will be sad, with Papa dead and all of us gone.” 

Papa dead... Findis had been trying not to think about it, but now the tears came to her eyes. Finwë was dead and she and her mother were being left behind. Fëanaro was taking them all away. He had once told Findis that she was too much like her mother, as if being a Vanya was a bad thing. Not a real Noldo, not like Lalwen, who thought nothing about leaving her mother behind. Suddenly Findis felt anger like she had never before felt. She withdrew from Lalwen’s arms. 

“Go to Mama, Lalwen,” she said shortly. “Say good-bye to her. I have something to do but tell her that I will be back soon. Don’t leave before I come back.” 

“But where are you going?” There was alarm in Lalwen’s eyes. 

“I will tell you when I am back,” Findis said, and without a further word she went down the stairs, knowing that at least for now, Lalwen would listen to her. 

Findis walked through the now deserted square and turned right, heading to the smiths’ neighborhood. She knew it well, as she had looked for Nolo there uncountable times. She had even gotten lost in the narrow streets once, and Fëanaro had brought her back to the castle. 

It had been the only time Fëanaro had behaved like a true big brother. He had even calmed her, and assured her that Nolo was asleep in his house, and that he would take him to the castle later. Fëanaro had always been there for Nolo, but what about her? What about Arafinwë? Not even Lalwen, whom Nolo had taken to Fëanaro’s house more than once, could say that he had been a real brother to her. 

What do I care he promised Papa to take care of us? I needed my brother, not a caretaker! 

These conflicted feelings fueled Findis’s anger as she reached Fëanaro’s home. Her nephews were packing their gear, and Celebrimbor was with his father and looking as if he were going on a big adventure. They all fell silent when they saw her standing at the door. Findis ignored their concerned expressions, and walked toward Maedhros determinedly. 

“Aunt Findis...” 

“I want to speak with your father.” 

“Father is outside, in the forge.” 

Findis nodded and left the house. She had seen the forge from the distance, but she had believed her half-brother would be inside the house. She had never been in Fëanaro’s working place, but Lalwen had described it well. This was the place where Fëanaro had first forged a sword. She shivered slightly, but forced herself to enter the place and look for her half-brother. 

She found Fëanaro standing near the brick oven, hands clenched in fists and looking at something only he could see. Findis hesitated. What was she going to tell him? What difference would it make? She was still debating with herself about what to do when Fëanaro turned to look at her. He was as surprised as his sons to see her there. 

“Findis... Why have you come?” 

When she didn’t answer, he smiled darkly. “This is no place for a Vanya. You should go back to your mother.” 

“I am not a Vanya!” Findis snapped. “I am your sister, whether you like it or not, and I have come to speak to you before you leave.” 

“Are you perhaps worried for your precious siblings?” he asked almost mockingly. “Is that it?” 

Findis felt the urge to slap him. Was his madness contagious, or his anger? Was this that being Noldor meant? He was still smiling, obviously trying to make her lose her temper. It was not going to happen. Findis took a deep breath and when she spoke again her voice was calm and controlled. 

“In fact, it is partly about that that I have come to say a last word.” 

“I didn’t ask them to come,” Fëanaro said, sobering. “It is Nolo who has decided to come with me, and Lalwendë is following him. I must confess I am surprised that Arafinwë is coming, but then maybe I have misjudged him. The Noldor blood is not as weak in him as I supposed.” 

“It is not weak in any of us,” Findis said. “I am also angry at Papa’s death. I just don’t think it necessary to lead our people to disaster because of it.” 

Fëanaro’s expression darkened. “I am Finwë’s rightful heir, and that is why the Noldor are coming with me. We will avenge our King’s death.” 

“You know there are those who are only going on this mad adventure because Nolo will lead them.” 

“That is because of Nolo’s machinations.” 

“Or because they think you are mad, or maybe because you are more concerned about recovering your precious jewels than about Papa’s death.”  
Findis regretted her words as soon as they left her lips. She was being unfair, and she knew it, but then had Fëanaro not been unfair to her since she had been born? The anger in his eyes was terrible to behold. 

“Don’t you dare to speak to me like that!” Fëanaro snapped. “You weak hearted creature, you would never understand what it means to lose...” 

“Finwë was my father too! And if you had not drawn a sword on Nolo, Papa would be alive, because the Valar would never have exiled you! He would be alive if he had stayed home, but he loved you above us all, beyond reason. Don’t you dare imply I’m not feeling his death the same as you, Fëanaro!” 

There was surprise in Fëanaro’s eyes, as if he were looking at her for the first time and only now realizing that she was his sister. Findis held his gaze, but inside she was trembling. She had never before lost control like this. 

“I am not one to stay passively,” Fëanaro said quietly. “I will destroy Melkor and have revenge over our father’s death. I will make the world safer for us all.” 

“And if you die, who will take revenge over his death, Fëanaro? Who will take revenge on yours?” 

“My sons will, but I will not die. Stay here, if you will, but remember that you are also a descendant of Finwë. Make him proud.” 

Acceptance, at last, but what did it matter now? Fëanaro was leaving and taking their people away, their siblings, the children... Findis wanted to hate him, but the anger that had sustained her was ebbing. She could not hate Fëanaro. He was her brother, and strangely enough, she loved him. 

“May the... Stay safe, Fëanaro, and keep our siblings safe. You promised Papa. Remember that.” 

Before he could say a word, Findis turned around and left the forge. Nerdanel had come, probably to talk to Fëanaro, but Findis didn’t think her brother’s mind would change. He would leave. She hugged Nerdanel briefly, and then said good-bye to her nephews, still hoping that at least the twins stayed. They all looked so eager to leave, so anxious for adventure. It broke her heart. Findis finally left and headed back to the castle. She still had to say good-bye to Lalwen. And then she would go wherever her mother wanted to go. It was the only thing she could do for Finwë. She would take care of her mother until he was returned to them.


End file.
